Politics 101 in the 21st Century

I’ve heard many a person comment of late that we are living in a messed up time and the dirty business of politics is one of the reasons. We’re all entitled to our opinions and that’s one that is valid for the nonreaders.

If you have studied politics much you’d realize we ain’t seeing nothing like the past. Politics has always been kind of a dirty business, and certainly is today, but compared to some previous campaigns everyone is on their best behavior.

George Washington was revered in his day as much as he is now but his political opponents had no problem trashing him – and most did it anonymously. That way you could say anything you wanted.

It got so bad in John Adam’s presidency, that this famed signer of the Declaration of Independence, convinced Congress to pass the infamous “Alien and Sedition Acts.” This allowed him to lock up in jail anyone who spoke negatively against the President or the government. He could also kick anyone out of the country who made similarly libelous comments. Imagine that in our day. “W” would love that one. We can’t even keep the aliens out of the country let alone kick citizens out for their big mouths. Bye-bye Rosie sounds real good.

In the 3rd Presidential race, Aaron Burr tied with Thomas Jefferson and the House picked Jefferson so Burr became the Vice President. He was so ticked off at personal things a Cabinet Member, Alexander Hamilton, had said about him, he eventually challenged him to a duel. He killed him. Then he left the country to the West and tried to be made king and emperor of the Louisiana Purchase lands and was eventually banished to Europe.

One more example was when Andrew Jackson ran for the 6th Presidency. This race was so nasty on a personal level directed toward Jackson’s wife, Rachel, she passed away from the stress of it all. He won the popular vote and the House picked his opponent for President and for four years the ugliness did not stop; very specific personal ugliness most of which flying both ways was not true, or relevant.

So our day is pretty calm. Swift Boating is whimpy - forgetting the fact that it was true. But we do have a serious problem that is new and troubling. Our society’s inclination toward celebrity worship and “political correctness.” I put that in quote marks to differentiate it from legitimate politeness. In the last two weeks I’ve looked up close and personal at some things going on that show this.

There was the Mitt Romney speech, a speech by Hillary Clinton, a three hour interview with Newt Gingrich, a two hour interview with Bill Clinton, and the first Oprah introduction to Barack Obama including his talk. What a rush. Here is what I observed.

The most qualified man right now for the Presidency is Newt Gingrich. Mostly because he isn’t going after it. It is becoming more and more true that somebody who wants the job ought to be automatically disqualified. He is articulate and right on, on most of the issues. Being a historian he’s actually studied the stuff and is forming opinions based on research and facts and not jut barfing back trite clichéd politically correct drivel. I watched three hours with the guy and he has this crap-eaten grin to go along with his educated answers and is unflappable. Both characteristics are a necessity when deranged people are calling in and asking the most absurd questions on earth. Three hours went by like a minute.

Bill Clinton is amazing. He is the most gifted liar, maybe, to ever live. Cain was a wimp. I think he lies just because he can. And he gets pretty much a free pass, so he does it. One of these days, I suspect he’s going to tell us he’s really a Martian and came from outer space. And he will do it with passion, and he’ll say it with a straight face, and if questioned, he’ll lean forward and repeat it, and in his mind he’ll be thinking, “You’re all a bunch of dummies letting me say anything I want and letting me get away with it.” I’m sure in his diary he records that he is shocked at what he says and gets away with. Some liars convince themselves that they are really telling the truth and then just live in a dream world. Not Bill. He doesn’t believe a word he says but says it anyway. I almost respect him. Kind of like I respect Nehor.

Mitt Romney’s speech was great. It had nothing to do with religion and had everything to do with America. If he made his entire campaign like that speech, he’d hearken us back to the Reagan days when American meant something and we were once again proud of our country. What scares me worse about his whole situation is those who would never vote for him because he’s a Mormon and those who are voting for him simply because he is a Mormon. Frightening perspectives. He won’t make it and that’s good because I don’t want the Church trashed by imbecile’s simply to attack him. It’s tiring. Just like the atheist idiots who are criticizing his speech for not reaching out to them. Get a freaking life. He didn’t reach out to the Neo-Nazi’s either. Or the murderers. Or the Buddhists. Or the illegal aliens (a third of the country at last count.) Or the Lost Ten Tribes.

Hillary Clinton. I listened and didn’t turn the channel just so I can say I did. It is painful. I’ve had multiple root canals and cists removed without anesthesia that were more pleasant than listening to her. I wish it weren’t so painful but the sound of her voice grates on something in my inner ear and creates the same physical reaction as bad perfume does to my eyes. They bleed. And what she is saying is irrelevant because it is all so freaking, filthy, wrong. She lies, no doubt, but her lying is out of ignertrance (I’m combining ignert and ignorance together into a new word.) In the speech I heard she was defending her latest and greatest (# 226) socialized medicine proposal and she said – I kid you not – quote, “There are tens of hundreds of millions of people in this country who do not have health care.” Unquote. Huh? Tens of hundreds of millions is one billion. Who the freak is she talking about. There are only 300 millions of people in this country counting the illegal aliens. Picture my ears bleeding at this point.

Oprah and Obama. What can I say? Lightweight Obama ought to be introducing Oprah as the candidate. If people are so for a woman President and some all for a black President, there you go: Oprah. Now she has done nothing to qualify herself for the job, just like he hasn’t. But at least she has all the money in the world. But listen to what she says about him: nothing. She is just using the power of her celebrity to back him.

Her introduction was moving and her delivery makes you want to jump up and be saved but she says she’s endorsing him for the first time endorsing anyone for very personal reasons … Wait for it … Wait for it …. Wait for it …. It doesn’t every come what those very personal reasons are. And nowhere in her introduction does she tell us one issue he is for that is bring her out in support of him. She says he’s got the answers. She says that Washington needs someone like him. She says it’s time the country elect someone who isn’t just talking but doing. But what? I am not hearing one single issue or thing he’s done or for that connects the dots. Oh, she does say one specific thing. He was the first one to come out against the war in Iraq. Great. So now it’s a race to see who can not support something first and that’s who we back. Well folks, I didn’t support abortion first. Pick me!

What a world. It’s portends a scary world if the power of celebrity gains inroads into the leadership of this country. But as long as this next presidential race has been going on, maybe they do need to turn it into a reality show. And we’ll eliminate candidates each week based on something or other. And eventually after the celebrity panel of Oprah, Natalie Maines, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, narrow down the field based on their pithy insight, the rest of the country can call a number and vote as many times as they are willing to pay, for which every candidate they choose.

For me, I hope the millennium gets here soon.

Mindsets

In preparing to teach Sunday School next week (yea, I have to stay in the game periodically so I don't forget how) I ran across an interesting thing I used to use. I would always use it to introduce Isaiah or in the case of next week, The Book of Revelation. Let me explain.

Beloit College (some place in Wisconsin) puts out a list each year for the entering freshman and professors to show how different their world perpectives are. The point is for everyone to be sensitive in the learning environment to assumptions made because they are very different based on life experiences.

I use it to demonstrate that if the worlds are that different for someone born in 1985 and us old timers, how different is our world from John who wrote Revelation a couple thousand years ago.

Here is the mindset list.

Most of the students entering college this fall, members of the class of 2011, were born in 1989. For them, Alvin Ailey, Andrei Sakharov, Huey Newton, Emperor Hirohito, Ted Bundy and Abbie Hoffman have always been dead.

1. What Berlin wall?
2. Humvees, minus the artillery, have always been available to the public.
3. Rush Limbaugh and the “Dittoheads” have always been lambasting liberals.
4. They never “rolled down” a car window.
5. Michael Moore has always been angry and funny.
6. They may confuse the Keating Five with a rock group.
7. They have grown up with bottled water.
8. General Motors has always been working on an electric car.
9. Nelson Mandela has always been free and a force in South Africa.
10. Pete Rose has never played baseball.
11. Rap music has always been mainstream.
12. Religious leaders have always been telling politicians what to do, or else!
13. “Off the hook” has never had anything to do with a telephone.
14. Music has always been “unplugged.”
15. Russia has always had a multi-party political system.
16. Women have always been police chiefs in major cities.
17. They were born the year Harvard Law Review Editor Barack Obama announced he might run for office some day.
18. The NBA season has always gone on and on and on and on.
19. Classmates could include Michelle Wie, Jordin Sparks, and Bart Simpson.
20. Half of them may have been members of the Baby-sitters Club.
21. Eastern Airlines has never “earned their wings” in their lifetime.
22. No one has ever been able to sit down comfortably to a meal of “liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
23. Wal-Mart has always been a larger retailer than Sears and has always employed more workers than GM.
24. Being “lame” has to do with being dumb or inarticulate, not disabled.
25. Wolf Blitzer has always been serving up the news on CNN.
26. Katie Couric has always had screen cred.
27. Al Gore has always been running for president or thinking about it.
28. They never found a prize in a Coca-Cola “MagiCan.”
29. They were too young to understand Judas Priest’s subliminal messages.
30. When all else fails, the Prozac defense has always been a possibility.
31. Multigrain chips have always provided healthful junk food.
32. They grew up in Wayne’s World.
33. U2 has always been more than a spy plane.
34. They were introduced to Jack Nicholson as “The Joker.”
35. Stadiums, rock tours and sporting events have always had corporate names.
36. American rock groups have always appeared in Moscow.
37. Commercial product placements have been the norm in films and on TV.
38. On Parents’ Day on campus, their folks could be mixing it up with Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz with daughter Zöe, or Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford with son Cody.
39. Fox has always been a major network.
40. They drove their parents crazy with the Beavis and Butt-head laugh.
41. The “Blue Man Group” has always been everywhere.
42. Women’s studies majors have always been offered on campus.
43. Being a latchkey kid has never been a big deal.
44. Thanks to MySpace and Facebook, autobiography can happen in real time.
45. They learned about JFK from Oliver Stone and Malcolm X from Spike Lee.
46. Most phone calls have never been private.
47. High definition television has always been available.
48. Microbreweries have always been ubiquitous.
49. Virtual reality has always been available when the real thing failed.
50. Smoking has never been allowed in public spaces in France.
51. China has always been more interested in making money than in reeducation.
52. Time has always worked with Warner.
53. Tiananmen Square is a 2008 Olympics venue, not the scene of a massacre.
54. The purchase of ivory has always been banned.
55. MTV has never featured music videos.
56. The space program has never really caught their attention except in disasters.
57. Jerry Springer has always been lowering the level of discourse on TV.
58. They get much more information from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert than from the newspaper.
59. They’re always texting 1 n other.
60. They will encounter roughly equal numbers of female and male professors in the classroom.
61. They never saw Johnny Carson live on television.
62. They have no idea who Rusty Jones was or why he said “goodbye to rusty cars.”
63. Avatars have nothing to do with Hindu deities.
64. Chavez has nothing to do with iceberg lettuce and everything to do with oil.
65. Illinois has been trying to ban smoking since the year they were born.
66. The World Wide Web has been an online tool since they were born.
67. Chronic fatigue syndrome has always been debilitating and controversial.
68. Burma has always been Myanmar.
69 Dilbert has always been ridiculing cubicle culture.
70. Food packaging has always included nutritional labeling.

Imagine what John would think, showing up in this world of the class of 2011. Imagine us showing up in his world. And we wonder why it's a little challenging to figure out this book.

Thanksgiving Day

I’m sitting here thinking about my history of Thanksgiving as I remember it.

Growing up, this was always a wild time of the year. It was during this season that we’d always finalize our chicken and turkey production. By that I mean we’d kill (can you say clothsline), clean, pluck, cut, and freeze those chickens that lived, of the hundred or so we started with. This was a lot of work for several Saturdays in the Fall. By Thanksgiving we, like the Pilgrims, were done and ready to party. We also raised out own turkeys and had a half dozen or so of them to take care of.

The one we’d eat on Thanksgiving was one we’d raised. Usually a monster. Maybe that’s why I don’t care for turkey too much. I’m a dark meat only eater though to show I’m not squeamish, I do love the skin especially on a deep fried turkey. Nummy.

Thanksgiving Day was always fun around our house but I’m not sure why. I don’t recall doing anything that wasn’t done on other days or other holidays. At some point you’d find the boys outside playing our version of two on one football or our avoid-the-hedge baseball game; you could see the gaps in the hedge that showed how bad we played the game.

All the while we all had some chores to do helping with the meal though strangely I don’t think they were much. My memory is if you managed to stay out of sight, the less you had to do. Ronald was the absolute master of this on Thanksgiving - and any day really. But though he was the master, we certainly were eager learners and did out best. The worst chore was to take the slop bucket out to the pig pen. Chores like that just aren’t in existence anymore. It was a way of life for us. The pigs wouldn’t be sent to the butchers yet nor was Bibba so those were chores we still had. We had some sort of pecking order of whose turn it was but spent far more energy and time determining who it was than if we’d have just done it.

Sometimes, it seems to me, that Grandpa and Grandma Johnson would be down from Idaho Falls and would join us. That added a level of intrigue to the event. We loved them and they had a calming influence on the proceedings somehow. I guess it was the way they were totally unflappable in our midst when all control had seem to be lost. Never once do I recall either of them getting angry with us or telling us what to do even though you’d think with the chaos there would be plenty of opportunities.

One thing we all tried to do was to avoid getting caught in the Grandpa Triangle. This was where he pinned you on one side and you were in a corner pinned on the other two sides by wall. In this position you could expect to stay for a half hour or so while he literally prophesied about things and lectures in a kind way on principles of health and life. The torture wasn’t being pinned but having your brothers and sisters poke faces at you behind him trying to distract you and make you laugh. Grandpa was undaunted though. I wish I could be pinned by him now and actually listen. I also wish I’d have written down the things he said because I can’t remember much but think there was some actual prophesying that was done that I’d probably appreciate now and would find comfort in my old age. Great times.

Farmor would join us regularly and one of the good times was getting to go with dad to pick her up. This was a journey in the olden days. And, of course, you'd get out of helping with the meal chores while appearing to be volunteering to do work. The olden days, you didn’t have I-15 so you drove down Redwood to 33rd South and up to 300 East. One of dad’s OCDs was to go on back roads and new, more efficient routes, that avoided crazy drivers. Half the time as a youngster I never had a clue where we were at. But we’d get Farmor and bring her back to the house.

She didn’t mind correcting our behavior or weighing in on the chaos but it was usually so subtle (“Oosh Namen”), passive aggressive (“wouldn’t you rather go outside to be noisy?”), or in Swedish, so we would just blow her off and keep doing what we were doing. Good times. Mom and Dad were too busy getting the food ready to deal with us but we always tried to avoid crossing the line that would get my dad to give us the evil eye. That meant the death penalty later on when the blessed event was over.

Dinner was wild. If we didn’t raise almost all of the food ourselves I imagine it was a solid $500 dollar meal. This was food for a dozen people. We totally ate a 25-30 pound turkey; picked pretty much clean as well as a good 30 pounds of mashed potatoes. There would be “stuffing” (come on, who came up with dressing?) and we’d long run out though as a kid I couldn’t eat it for some reason. Thankfully I’ve overcome that agenda. There was gallons of gravy, jello blended with whipped cream, dads original “cancer” punch or our homemade root bear that tasted not surprisingly like yeast. Yuck, though I think I always pretended to like it because dad was so thrilled. Somewhere there were vegetables, and I’m sure out of the garden but I don’t remember them.

I always sat at the bread board. It was a great place because you were out of the lines of fire. You could hang out there and get Farmor’s sympathy because she felt it was some sort of cruel ostracism. I guess that’s where I first learned the strategy that has made life entertaining for myself. What you want to do is to stir the pot or disrupt someone else’s life without altering the course of human events. When you are at the bread board and out of line of sight, you can manipulate things or bring things up and stay out of the way when it hits the fan. Just like in sports, the person that always gets caught is the one retaliating. So true at meal time.

Of course no meal of ours would be complete without us getting Germ to do Nixon and a variety of other pantomimes. He probably wouldn’t’ actually do them until we all gathered after the meal but we’d start planning the entertainment and the seeds during dinner. Even more hilarious than Germ was Steven mimicking Germ. Then there were the skits of "So Long, Farewell" and other things - I think I recall a version of "I represent the lollypop tree" or some such stuff.

The highlight for me and what I miss the most, though, is mom’s apple pie. I know apple pie. Apple pie is a friend of mine. Nobody made an apple pie like mom. I have no clue what she did. I don’t think there was any secret recipe or anything. She just made killer apple pies. They were good each and every time she made them and the taste never deviated from one pie or type of apple to another. They were the same exact delicious apple pie every time. Others have told me since they have found the best apple pie, and I’d try it and be disappointed. I’m so disappointed in all other apple pies; I actually don’t choose it much as a dessert anymore. I know they were a lot of work for her to make and though they were difficult, the last few years mom always made an extra one for me that I’d slip out to the car before the festivities began. Even when they started getting the “temple pies” from the temple cook guy, mom would still make me one of her apple pies and she didn’t care that she saw I didn’t need them. I think she would even tell me to exercise as she pimped me a secret one on the side and I'd alway tell her I'm going to start on Tuesday. she unlike others always believed me.

Mom’s apple pies. My all time favorite Thanksgiving memory.

Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

It’s Veteran’s Day and I’m thinking of the troops. I read the other day that since the revolutionary war there have been 44 million who have worn the uniform in service to our country.

There are a thousand war stories and hundreds of heroes but my all time favorite is Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain. He fought in the Civil War. He was a college professor in Maine. He felt compelled to join the union army and fight in the Civil War for the highest of all reasons. He entered the 20th Maine Infantry as a Colonel.

Though he was amazing in all he did, one situation rises above all else, since it alone is attributed to the union breaking the backs of the South and winning the war. This experience occurred when Colonel Chamberlain was stationed at the left flank of the union army at Gettysburg. They occupied “good ground" on top of a place called Little Round Top. Along with his regular division, he was told to take 200 deserters and shoot them if they didn't want to fight this battle. They were fed up with war and didn't want to fight anymore and he told them he wasn't going to shoot them as instructed but instead inspired them all to stay and fight. They all new this would be a big fight and very well may turn the tide for whichever side won the battle. The left flank was an honor to be in charge of because you knew if the enemy broke you, your side will lose. Back then honor was a big deal and getting the honor of guarding a flank was a privilege. Chamberlain was told to hold the left flank at whatever cost (meaning fight to the last man) since there would be no reinforcements and no additional ammunition coming their way.

The Rebels made 5 charges up the hill to try and take Little Round Top and thus break the left flank of the Union army but the 20th Maine repelled them back each time though at great cost. By the 5th charge, many of Chamberlain's division had been killed or wounded including himself and many of the deserters he inspired to stay and fight. For himself he was shot in the foot.

As the last Confederate charge took shape at the bottom of the hill, Chamberlain's men had very little ammunition left. Colonel Chamberlain knew they had to hold the flank and could not give it up so he did the only thing he could do; he ordered "bayonets on" and for his men to charge the enemy, making as much noise as possible and to engage the enemy in hand-to-hand combat. That's what they did and the enemy panicked at the bold move and five hundred surrendered immediately to the men with no ammunition. the rest turned around and beat feet back to the rear with the cowards and shirkers.

The Union evenutally won battle in no small part because the enemy didn't break the left flank and overrun the center of the line. Colonel Chamberlain later was awarded the Distinguished Medal of Honor for bravery on the field. He went on to fight in a total of 20 more battles. He was wounded 6 times (including his foot in this battle) and received awards of merit 4 times. At one point when he was shot from one hip to the other, he was declared dead and General Grant gave him a field promotion to General (the only one given in the Civil War) but he fooled them, got better and participated in many more battles.

He received the honor of being the General to accept the Confederate Army official surrender at Appomattox where he held himself a gentlemen to the end. He lived to 85 years old and finally died from the hip wound when it got infected all those years later. It made him the last person to die from civil war injuries.

I can go on and on (some would argue I have) but there are many more stories about him. He was an absolute stud.

Twenty-five years after Gettysburg he gave a speech there and said these phenomenal words:

"In great deeds something abides. On great fields something stays. Forms change and pass; bodies disappear; but spirits linger, to consecrate ground for the vision-place of souls. And reverent men and women from afar, and generations that know us not and that we know not of, heart-drawn to see where and by whom great things were suffered and done for them, shall come to this deathless field, to ponder and dream; and lo! the shadow of a mighty presence shall wrap them in its bosom, and the power of the vision pass into their souls. This is the great reward of service. To live, far out and on, in the life of others; this is the mystery of the Christ,-to give life's best for such high sake that it shall be found again unto life eternal."

Read them a couple of times and read them often. No truer words were ever spoken about Gettysburg. You can feel it when you go there.

Conference

I’ve finished dissecting conference. Here is what I found, in part:

Talks
There were 38 talks given.
3 by the Prophet.
4 by the other members of the First Presidency.
12 by Apostles.
19 by others.

Scriptures
There were 441 scriptures quoted; that compares to 344 at the last conference.

Broken down by books of scripture:
Book of Mormon 148
New Testament 117
Doctrine & Covenants 102
Old Testament 52
Pearl of Great Price 22
Total 441

Frequency Distribution:
1 scripture was quoted 5 times.
3 scriptures were quoted 4 times.
9 scriptures were quoted 3 times.
42 scriptures were quoted 2 times.
268 scriptures were quoted 1 time

Isn’t that an amazing fact, played out conference after conference, that out of the 441 scriptures quoted, 268 of them were only quoted by one speaker? Out of 38 talks there is that little repetition in the use of the scriptures!

Average number of scriptures quoted by speaker: 12

Speakers quoting the most scriptures: Nelson - 68; Hales - 38; Condie - 38; Uchtdorf - 33; Bednar - 25; Packer - 23; Holland - 23; Wirthlin – 20

The scripture quoted 5 times:
John 17:3
3 And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.

The 3 scriptures quoted 4 times:
D&C 14:7
7 And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God.

D&C 50:14
14 To preach my gospel by the Spirit, even the Comforter which was sent forth to teach the truth.

D&C 121:45
45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to the household of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

Subjects
There were 35 main subjects addressed:

3 speakers addressed:
Gospel Principles (DFU; WG; TSM)
Missionary Work (MRB; EK; LTP)

2 speakers addressed:
Holy Ghost (KH; HBE)
Priesthood (HBE; TSM)
Procrastination (DH; CC)
Service (MT; SS)
Testimony (EF; DC)

1 speaker addressed:
Activation (MC)
Anger (GBH)
Atonement (DAB)
Blessings (SC)
Book of Mormon (CG)
Broken Heart (BP)
Charity (JBW)
Choices (DHO)
Church Membership (BKP)
Church Welfare (RE)
Conference (DBH)
Faith (QLC)
Family (MC)
Godhead (JRH)
Jesus Christ (JRH)
Joseph Smith (BBH)
Love (TSM)
Mothers (JB)
Pornography (WC)
Purity (DAB)
Restoration (GBH)
Revelation (RDH)
Sacrament (CG)
Salvation (CV)
Scriptures (RMN)
Teaching (DJ)
Temples (OT)
Truth (RDS)

Talks of Especial Note

Julie Beck; Mothers Who Know
Henry B. Eyring; God Helps the Faithful Priesthood Holder
David A. Bednar; Clean Hands & a Pure Heart
Dallin H. Oaks; Good, Better Best
Jefferey R. Holland; The Only True God & Jesus Christ
Keith Hilbig; Quench Not the Spirit That Quickens
Erick Kopischke; Preach My Gospel - Unifying Tool

Lists
My favorite part of conference is compiling lists that were given. There are many in every conference and they help me to focus on the messages. I extract them without all the explanations and accompanying data because:

a) I can look it up in the talk if I want.
b) I can use them to prepare talks.
c) I use them to ponder.
d) I use them as an outline for further study and research.
e) I use them to stimulate my memory to add information to my journal and personal history.
f) Its a lot of fun.

Here are 10 of the 48 lists I extracted from this conference:


From bearing one another’s burdens as ward members, we have learned several lessons:

• Lord’s organization fully adequate to know & care for those with most dire emotional and spiritual needs.
• Adversity can bring us closer to God …
• Members who suffer tragedy firsthand often experience an increased capacity for love, compassion, and understanding.
• A ward [or family] draws closer together as it endures together—what happens to one happens to all.
• [Most important] We can each be more compassionate and caring because we have each had our own personal trials and experiences to draw from.
  We can endure together.
  (Richard Edgely)

3 things To Give One Assurance & Guidance When Facing An Overwhelming Calling:
(The message may come in words to your mind or in a felling or both.”)

1. First, the assurance will come from a memory of times Heavenly Father has helped you through dangers and difficulties.
2. The second part of the message you will receive as you pray for help in facing a hard assignment.
3. The third and final message you can watch for when you pray for help in a hard priesthood assignment is this one—I got this one as well—go to work.
   (Henry B. Eyring)
   

We determine the level of our current personal contribution by examining our present choices and priorities against questions such as these:

• Do I spend more time with sports than Church attendance or callings?
• If I have a free day, do I choose to attend the temple or to visit the mall?
• Do I resort to computer games or surfing the Internet rather than offering meaningful service to others in my home and community?
• Do I read the newspaper religiously but find it difficult to read the scriptures daily?
  (Keith Hilbig)
  

Enduring to the end implies:

• “patient continuance in well doing”

striving to keep the commandments

doing the works of righteousness

sacrifice and hard work

trust our Father in Heaven

making wise choices

paying our tithes and offerings

honoring our temple covenants

serving the Lord and one another willingly and faithfully in our Church callings and responsibilities.

strength of character

selflessness

humility

integrity

honesty to the Lord and our fellowmen

making our homes strong places of defense and a refuge against worldly evils

loving and honoring our spouses and children

(Dieter F. Uchtdorf)

Paul counseled with these four simple words:

• Quench
• not
• the
• Spirit
  (Keith Hilbig)
  
  

When we invite the Holy Ghost:

• He will fill our minds with light and knowledge
• He will “quicken" us, that is to say, enlightens and enlivens the inner man or woman
• We notice a measurable difference in our soul
• We feel strengthened
• We are filled with peace and joy
• We possess spiritual energy
• We Possess enthusiasm
• We enhance our natural abilities
• We can accomplish more than we otherwise could do on our own
• We yearn to become a holier person
  (Keith Hilbig)
  
  

I have felt to provide each member of the Relief Society throughout the world three goals to meet:

• Study diligently.
• Pray earnestly.
• Serve willingly.
  (Thomas S. Monson)
  
  

Four of the most beautiful words in holy writ:

• “And
• God
• remembered
• Rachel”
  (Genesis 30:22).
  (Spencer Condie)
  
  

Examples of small acts of service that can lift and bless another:

• a question concerning a person’s family
• quick words of encouragement
• a sincere compliment
• a small note of thanks
• a brief telephone call
  (Thomas S. Monson)
  
  

Women excel in living and sharing their testimonies of the Lord Jesus Christ and His restored gospel as we:

• Make and keep covenants with Him.
• Are worthy and worship in His temples
• Study His doctrine in the scriptures and the words of prophets
• Qualify for, recognize, and follow the Holy Ghost
• Share and defend His gospel
• Participate in sincere personal and family prayer
• Have family home evening
• Live principles of self-reliance and provident living
  (Julie Beck)
  

Quotes
Lastly, here are my favorite Top Ten quotes from conference (this was very hard to narrow down but by the technique of paired comparison sampling I did it. Actually I could only narrow it to the Top Twenty-Five.):

Adversity
The same happens in our lives. We don’t know when or how earthquakes will hit us. They likely won’t be literal shakings of the earth, as happened in Peru, but rather quakes of temptations, sin, or trials, such as unemployment or serious sickness. Today is the time to prepare for when that type of quake comes. Today is the time to prepare—not during the crisis. What are we doing today to engraven in our souls the gospel principles that will uphold us in times of adversity?
(Walter Gonzalez)

Book of Mormon
The Bible had stood for centuries. It is a precious and wonderful book. Now there was a second witness declaring the divinity of Christ. The Book of Mormon is the only book ever published, of which I know, that carries in it a promise that one who reads it prayerfully and asks concerning it in prayer will have revealed to him by the power of the Holy Ghost a knowledge that it is true (see Moroni 10:4).
(Gordon B. Hinckley)

Children
Children are generally very accepting of their parents and the mistakes parents make. They often forgive, forget, and move on much more quickly than adults do. Don’t feel guilty. Apologize when you have made a mistake. Seek the child’s forgiveness. Change your ways and move on.
(Barbara Thompson)

Children
Remember that it takes a lot of patience to raise a child. As precious as they are, children can be exasperating, frustrating, and sometimes even naughty. It takes a tremendous amount of patience and restraint in order to avoid doing or saying things we will later regret. Sometimes parents need to put themselves in “time-out” in order to avoid making serious mistakes. Removing yourself from the room for a minute in order to regain control is often very helpful.
(Barbara Thompson)

Church Welfare
At the final day the Savior will not ask about the nature of our callings. He will not inquire about our material possessions or fame. He will ask if we ministered to the sick, gave food and drink to the hungry, visited those in prison, or gave succor to the weak. When we reach out to assist the least of Heavenly Father’s children, we do it unto Him. That is the essence of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
(Joseph B. Wirthlin)

Conference
All of the proceedings of this conference will appear in a subsequent issue of the Ensign and Liahona. We encourage you again to read the talks in your family home evenings and discuss them together as families. They are the products of much prayer and meditation and are well worthy of careful consideration.
(Gordon B. Hinckley)

Decision Making
Increasingly more people are finding that making wise decisions is becoming more and more difficult because of the ultra-interconnected world in which we live. Constantly forced into our consciousness is an incessant barrage of counsel, advice, and promotions. It is done by a bewildering array of media, Internet, and other means. On a given subject we can receive multiple strongly delivered, carefully crafted messages with solutions. But often two of the solutions can be diametrically opposed. No wonder some are confused and are not sure how to make the right decisions.
(Richard G. Scott)

Decision Making
To further complicate matters, others try to persuade us that our decisions must be socially acceptable and politically correct. Some pondering of that approach will reveal how wrong it is. Since social and political structures differ widely over the world and can dramatically change with time, the folly of using that method to make choices is apparent.
(Richard G. Scott)

Divine Assistance
The possibility of an earthquake was always there. When or how it would hit no one knew. When it came, it was devastating. But under the direction of the priesthood, the moment’s challenge was faced. In many cases, when members were unable, the Lord made up the difference. Some members tell of seeing men in white helping to save their lives. Others heard guiding voices. Years of Church service were a preparatory school to becoming organized and helping one another.
(Walter Gonzalez)

Family
In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best… Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.
(Dallin H. Oaks)

Family
The amount of children-and-parent time absorbed in the good activities of private lessons, team sports, and other school and club activities also needs to be carefully regulated. Otherwise, children will be overscheduled, and parents will be frazzled and frustrated.
(Dallin H. Oaks)

Family
Families mean work, but they are our great work—and we are not afraid of work. This is what we do best; no one does families better than the sisters of this Relief Society. We uphold, nourish, and protect them.
(Julie Beck)

Family
Satan is working overtime to attack the family. He tells us that marriage is not important, that children do not need a father and a mother, and that strong families are not important. He tells us that moral values are old-fashioned and silly. When challenges come, Satan tells us to abandon our beliefs and go with the ways of the world. He entices us with fame and fortune and tells us where to find the easy life. He attacks our faith in God and tries to discourage even the strongest and most loving families. Satan is delighted when we give in—even just a little.
(Barbara Thompson)

First Vision
At no other time of which we have any record have God our Eternal Father and His Beloved Son, the risen Lord, appeared on earth together.
At the time of the baptism of Jesus by John in the river Jordan, the voice of God was heard, but He was not seen. At the Mount of Transfiguration, again the voice of God was heard, but there is no record of His appearance. Stephen saw the Lord on the right hand of the Father, but They did not address or instruct him.
Following His Resurrection, Jesus appeared to the Nephites in the Western Hemisphere. The voice of the Almighty was heard three times, introducing the risen Christ, but there was no appearance of the Father.
How truly remarkable was that vision in the year 1820 when Joseph prayed in the woods and there appeared before him both the Father and the Son. One of these spoke to him, calling him by name and, pointing to the other, said, “This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!” (Joseph Smith—History 1:17).
Nothing like it had ever happened before. One is led to wonder why it was so important that both the Father and the Son appear. I think it was because They were ushering in the dispensation of the fulness of times, the last and final dispensation of the gospel, when there would be gathered together in one the elements of all previous dispensations. This was to be the final chapter in the long chronicle of God’s dealing with men and women upon the earth.
(Gordon B. Hinckley)

Free Agency
Let us decide together what we are going to do. All of us, whatever our callings may be, face tasks that are beyond our own powers. I do and you do. That’s true from the simple fact that success is to get testimony down into the hearts of people. We can’t make that happen. Even God won’t force that on anyone.
So success requires people we serve to choose to accept the testimony of the Spirit into their hearts. The Spirit is ready. But many people aren’t ready to invite the Spirit. Our task, which is in our power, is to invite the Spirit into our lives so that people we serve will want to have the fruits of the Spirit in their lives—the fruits that they can see in ours.
(Henry B. Eyring)

Holy Ghost
We dare not hinder, disregard, or quench the promptings of the Holy Spirit. Yet when it comes to drawing upon the promptings and the blessings which flow from the Holy Ghost, we often "live far beneath our privileges."
(Keith Hilbig)

Journals
Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him.
(Henry B. Eyring)

Love
Love is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the pathway of discipleship. It comforts, counsels, cures, and consoles. It leads us through valleys of darkness and through the veil of death. In the end love leads us to the glory and grandeur of eternal life.
(Joseph B. Wirthlin)

Missionary Work
I have found that most people will not read or focus on more than just a few important facts at one time.
(M. Russell Ballard)

Prayer
But be prepared to lose track of time as you pray.
(Henry B. Eyring)

Priorities
Recognize the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.
(Dallin H. Oaks)

Revelation
We prepare to receive personal revelation as the prophets do, by studying the scriptures, fasting, praying, and building faith. Faith is the key.
(Robert D. Hales)

Scriptures
Let us search the scriptures with pen in hand, making note of new insights and recording spiritual promptings.
(Keith Hilbig)

Teaching
Just as I learned as a young man that grain was more appealing to our horses than a dirt-filled bucket, I also learned that grain was more nourishing than hay, that hay was more nourishing than straw, and that it was possible to feed a horse without nourishing him.
(Daniel Judd)

Testimony
If you want to know that you know that you know, a price must be paid. And you alone must pay that price. There are proxies for ordinances, but none for the acquisition of a testimony.
(Douglas Callister)

Why Can't I Be Cool?

I’ve been told to lighten up on the blog so here goes.

Why can’t I be cool? Maybe the bigger question is why can’t I have the ability to totally block out reality when I look in the mirror and see myself?

Deep, I know. Let me explain by sharing this experience I recently witnessed.

I was at lunch at a sushi restaurant. While awaiting food a guy comes in with his wife. Somehow I knew they were married but I’m not sure how. But that’s not the point. Maybe they were dating. Whatever. I hope for her they were. The point is the guy somehow got up that morning, looked in the mirror and saw cool. The sad thing is the girl (probably his wife) thought he was cool too. And I can’t figure out how because he really was not.

She actually seemed normal and was dressed normal except that she bought-in to his attempt at cool and that just made me sad. Let me see if I can describe him because I am "positive sure" (as opposed to "negative sure") you’ll get my point.

Think Kevin James but not cool. The guy was a bit large but I’m sure he saw muscle. He wore knee-length shorts, brand spanking new white Adidas and Adidas white socks. I knew this because the socks said “Adidas” right on them, and were perfectly centered on the outside of each sock, both right and left.

So far the package was okay but clearly trending downward on the cool meter. He had on a black tee shirt. Still okay. But on the dome he wore a beret. Backwards.

Why? Who said that was cool? I can see a baseball cap because it keeps the sun off your neck. Theoretically. But a beret on backwards can only be so to make a statement that you are cool or have some fashion sense or something.

Also, who told him he could do it? Surely it’s not a personal decision one can make. Certainly someone has to authorize it, right? But that’s not the thing still.

He was wearing sunglasses even though he was now inside and outside it was overcast and the sun wasn’t out. I know, many that have gone before have made that statement but that’s still not the thing. He eventually noticed he couldn’t see and took them off and here is the deal: he hooked them on his tee shirt ON HIS BACK and not on the front like regular people do.

I know this wasn’t authorized and only a really, really cool person would be allowed to do something this aby-normal. He didn’t have anything else hanging on front so there was room. It had to be a fashion statement that was meant to tell people – cool person in the room, keep your distance, pay homage, keep the immediate area around him clear, give him room to operate and maneuver, and above all, pay attention, more cool stuff to follow. And there was.

He had this mannerism about him that said, "man of the world." He knew what he wanted to order and didn’t need to condescend to look at the menu. But his office was open to answer his wife’s questions about the various foodstuffs. She quiz him on different things and in a very detached manner he’d answer but you could tell his mind was on more important things like, “I wonder if I’d be cool if I turned my Adidas socks so that the Adidas wording was facing inward.” But he could muse these things and multitask by answering her. Worldly things were second nature to him.

She asked him stunners like, “What is tempura?” Oh, and she started every question the same way, “This is a dumb question but …” His answer, given far too loud but apparently he sensed his wisdom shouldn’t be limited to just her but the rest of the folk, “Tempara (yes he said it that way) is deep-fried but not as heavy.” Profound!

Eventually they ordered: him a chicken teriyaki bowl of rice and her a lunch salad with ranch. Did I tell you this was a sushi bar? Next came the coup d'état of all coolness. Let’s call it the too-cool-to-follow-the-normal-sequence-of-events move. He ordered without looking at the menu and answered all of his “sweethearts” cultural food questions but after ordering, as he prattling on about something, he picked up the menu and again multi-tasked by talking and perusing and then, I kid you not, in mid-sentence he all the sudden said, “GIVE ME A DOLLAR” as if the fate of the world hung in the balance and was contingent on this buck.

Clearly he was too cool to keep money and where would he put it anyway, you can't hang it on the back of your shirt. But everyone could sense the immediacy of his need for this buck. She didn’t question but yanked a dollar bill out of her purse and handed it to him. I suspect she had learned over time to not stop the creative flow of coolness when ordered to do so.

He grabbed it and bolted up to the cash register and told the girl staffing it, “Instead of chicken teriyaki I want the ‘cubbie beef.’” He then tossed the dollar bill on the counter and walked back to his seat. As he sat back down after this act of creation he told his girl that he loved the "cubbie beef" but it was an additional dollar. His explanation was accepted without comment and it was clear that his wife accepted these moments of profound and absolute coolness without surprise or even query.

I was nothing short of “bumfuzzled” if I may quote Chandler or Ross or one of the Friends. First off, the person working the cash register hadn’t taken their order so I’m not sure how that order change was orchestrated in this English as a third language environment. But I guess cool people don’t worry about those things.

Next, in this place you paid for the food after you ate. So what was up with the dollar? Too cool to follow the paying sequence I guess.

Lastly, "cubbie beef?" How can you be so far off on pronouncing Kobe Beef and still think your cool. If he’d ever heard it prounounced it surely would have resonated with him that it’s pronounced the same as his favorite basketball player, Kobe Bryant.

And that’s what I’m saying, why can’t I be cool like this guy?

I could never go out dressed like that and do those kinds of things in a public venue. I just couldn’t. I would be far too nervous someone would observe my faking and write it up on a blog.

Kenny Rogers - The Last Ten Years (Superman) Video

Watch this. One of the best songs in a long time. We've all lived through all these things. Puts them in perspective.

Dignity: The Hard Way

Somehow, somewhere in life, and surely not intentionally (wink, wink), you will tick someone off who you really should not have; someone you need or are going to have to interact with in the course of your life. But that’s not the deal. The deal is that you didn’t mean to tick this person off but they zing you back real bad, and in public. How rude! You want to say something clever (or worse) back. Freeze that moment in time. What should you do (as opposed to what did you do?)

Unfortunately this happens far too often. The operative situation here is that you are a good person and doing the best you can in everything you do but somehow you angered someone unintentionally and they reacted by manifesting their anger with words or maybe even a little rage. You are on the receiving end of a verbal tongue lashing and it wasn’t in a private setting. Your instincts will be to react back with equal force but if you have that little compass you got when you raised your bar it will steer you to the better way to respond.

In college sometimes you’ll do almost anything to make a few bucks especially if you are married, have children, and bills. Once upon a time in that situation, living in a place we lovingly called, “The Ghetto”, a neighbor asked me while on a home teaching visit, if I’d be interested in some part time work. Turns out he was a Constable and wanted me to serve legal papers for him. So I became a Process Server. (I refer to it now as a “Brain Dead Process Server”, not that there’s anything wrong with it.)

The deal was, for every legal paper I served I got a fixed amount of money based on the nature of the legal offense. I gave it a try and found out I could make real good money in just a few hours a night. For some reason I had a knack. I think I looked young, naïve, and innocent (it wasn’t too long previously that I honed this great skill while tracting in the mission field) so people answered their door even when they were taking deliberate steps to avoid being served.

Legal papers that were real old and hadn’t been served were worth substantially more than new ones. I made it a point to take some of these old ones that had gone unserved for a long time and usually could place them quickly. I made good money and met good people and soon the Constable asked if I’d like to branch out to some things that made even more money. This was repossession and transporting bail jumpers back to the State. It wasn’t bounty hunting but it was badge carrying, gun toting, wannabe stuff. It was a world I didn’t know even existed and was amazed punks like me could be doing it with so little training with a guy who was only a couple of degrees shy of kind of scary.

The Constable was what you could call an irascible character. He had been doing this Constable thing for a long time, knew a lot about it, but thought he knew more than he did. Even I could see that, brain dead as I was. He was frequently on a cop-wannabe ego trip, short on temper, and usually picked public venues to air his anger at who ever dared cross him. So why put up with it? I don’t know, brain death, bills to pay, “easy” money. After a couple of years of it, it was getting old and he was getting old but like I said, the money was good and okay, I was afraid to tell him “I quit.”

One thing I found out the hard way was that he liked to pull over people who cut him off in traffic. He actually had a “cherry” (a portable red flasher thing he could stick on his dashboard like cops have) in his car and with the badges and stuff, he could get away with it though he had no police authority and only did it to yell at people because they ticked him off. If I only knew then what I know now. Yea, I probably should have ‘ratted’ him out but what did I know. I’m like twenty-two and he’s sixty and been doing this for thirty years. Plus we dealt with cops all the time so I figured he must have known what he was doing. But it seemed weird all the same and I didn’t like to be with him when it happened.

One time, right in front of the Century movie theatre on State Street and 3300 South, we were going somewhere and he had me driving. (Oh I forgot to tell you, he liked me to chauffer him when he took me on a job.) So I was driving and he was shotgun and someone pulled out ahead of us, cut us off, and sped through the intersection (north on State at 33rd) on a stale yellow light. He told me to run it as he lit the cherry and put it in the car window. I told him it was red as I hit the brakes and he screamed for me to run it. So I ran it. We lived.

Then he told me to catch up to the person so they’d pull over. I did but they weren’t pulling over. So he told me to honk the horn at them. Those that know me can testify, I hate honking car horns. It’s one of my deals. I started to argue with him and he reached over and laid on the horn himself. They kept going and he told me to pull up along side of them in the outer lane so he could flash his badge and waive them over. I said no, we were driving too fast and I wasn’t going to do it. This was all going on, mind you, while I’m driving and trying to maintain control of the car. He went ballistic so I pulled up along side of them and he tried to waive the person over. I noticed at this point the car was full of passengers; maybe six people or so. The driver still wouldn’t pull over so he told me to pull over in their lane, cut them off, and then block them in. All I knew of this maneuver was from what I’d seen on the TV shows so clearly I told him I didn’t know how. He grabbed the wheel and started yanking it toward the other vehicle so I had to speed up or hit them. When I got ahead of them, he yanked hard and we cut over and I hit the brakes. Both vehicles stopped and we had the other car blocked in just like he wanted. Problem was he couldn’t get out of his door because it was angled against the other vehicle so there wasn’t clearance. Plus he was a lard butt.

Adrenaline was running a little high now, as you can imagine, and he was yelling at me to move the car so he could open his door. There were other lanes of traffic, my adrenaline was making me hyperventilate, and the guy’s anger toward me was really ticking me off. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to back up or pull ahead. Both prospects had their downside so in the midst of his yelling I was trying to figure it out and probably went both ways before settling on backing up. Finally he got out and approached the other vehicle to yell at the driver. Keep in mind this all took place in about the same amount of time I am recounting it; only a half-a-minute or so.
So he’s out talking to the driver and I could hear him yelling at the guy and then he yells at me (I stayed in the vehicle, it wasn’t my beef) and asks me if I’m going to just sit in the car or if I had come to do some work. I got out of the car wondering what the heck I was supposed to do and the Constable was cuffing the driver like on Cops. I figured something else was up now and so I’m like, “What do you want me to do?” It seemed like a perfectly reasonable question for a brain dead process server but it just set him off and I got an earful in front of the driver, the five other passengers from the vehicle, and all the people walking down the freaking sidewalk wo had all stopped to gawk at us. He was colorfully screaming things like, “Do I have to do everything” and “Can’t you do anything without being told” and my all time favorite and I quote exactly, “Why don’t you put on a pair big boys, and help me out here!” Really!

As it turned out, I found out shortly thereafter, the car this fellow was driving happened to be a car he had been trying to repossess for months and could never find it and the driver was a frequent customer and had multiple warrants out on him. Further, it turns out, the Constable did have the power to pull over and detain in this situation (which doesn’t absolve him from some of the other things I observed.) Nevertheless, did I really have to stand there and hear about what a waste of space I was, and in front of all these people who were now standing around major gawking, while we waiting for the real cops to show up? Freaking really!

What would you have done or said? Instinctually when you get caught in these situations you want to either sneak out a back entrance and hide under a really big rock, or kick the person upside the head. I liked the kick upside the head one. But what should you do? (Did I tell you he also had a gun?)

My instincts told me to yell back at him, tell him what I thought of him, tell him I thought he was a big fat wannabe cop, tell him I had no respect for him and his game of pulling people over for their poor driving, and then get a few more shots in – maybe do a good one in relation to his “big boys” comment and make it about Depends or something age related. Something about Barney Fife would be good but the guy was way to fat. I didn’t though because I did have some respect for him, even though he had his moments, and like I said, he scared me. Plus, and I didn’t find out until later but it makes the point, he was in the right here (in the pull over) even though I had no clue what he was doing, he didn’t communicate it well, and probably went about it in a reckless manner. Also, I got half the booty and on a car repo’ and an arrest warrant, I’d make the Fall Quarter tuition and we’d eat.

Dignity. I love that word.

The biggest worry of a parent - after all the cuteness of their youth and the love you have for them that has no bounds which goes without saying - as a child leaves home is that they will behave appropriately in public. Of course you want them to be safe but you want them to also be responsible. You want them to not tarnish the family name; more, you want them to bring it honor. So what is it kids are always told. Walk away from bad things. Don’t ever do anything wrong. Know who you are and what you represent.

We all represent something and others and should only do things that bring honor to them. Never disgrace others by your actions. It’s just not cool. I like the motto of the Goodyear Corporation: “Protect Our Good Name.” Too bad Firestone didn’t have the same motto when they put out substandard tires a few years ago that killed people. Too bad Constables don’t know that. My boss embarrassed himself by the way he treated me. Everyone there and the Cops who came later while he was still ranting saw him as a pretty petty person (love that alliteration.)

I came away with my dignity because I didn’t sink to his level. I represented the County just like him and sinking to his level at that time could only harm the organization and bring tarnish to my family who raised me different. One of the cops later told me I did the right thing to ignore him; “He blows off steam but he means well.” It’s true. I think he lost his head and appreciated I didn’t. It taught me a lot that I would use later in dealing with elected officials and others who get full of themselves from time to time. I always walk away. My smart mouth instincts are on high alert but my compass tells me to walk on by. At least until I get to the car and roll up the windows.

Key to the whole point – as I see it:

Raising the bar means we walk away from confrontations. Always remember what your goal is and what the task is you are trying to accomplish. Fighting with Neanderthals who have no manners and who bring dishonor on themselves is not the right thing to do – probably ever. They will never get it and the heat of battle isn’t a learning moment. Stay dignified and others will see who the big person is and you will come away winning every time. You will also get the respect of others who will know who the buttheads are and who they aren’t.

Questions

Are there stupid questions?

This always comes up and when it does someone nearby always jumps in before anyone else gets a chance to give thoughtful input on the subject and says, “The only stupid questions are the ones not asked!” End of discussion. Nobody gets a chance to rebut this type of well researched, definitive, empirical evidence. Bull freaking crap. We all know that is horse pucky. That is so far away from reality that only a complete and utter bonehead would believe it. We’ve all been asked dumb questions. And even if we want to look at the glass as having some liquid in it (though it’s far from being even half-full on this issue) and concede the point that is trying to be made - that a well thought out question is always welcome in a learning environment - or - if you are in charge of the button that blows up the world if pushed - then maybe it’s okay to ask a variety of questions about your duty, well thought out or not. But some questions just need to not be asked. Seriously. Even in a learning environment. And sometime we need to stop saying there are no dumb questions because when we say it we are teaching people to not think, to not take a moment and try and figure something out using reasoning or to peruse the owners manual for a moment (I’m not even asking that a person read it, just peruse it – look at the pictures if you hate reading that much – or listen to the manual-on-tape if you fear a disease from reading too much).

Here’s a situation to approach this from a different angle. You are asked to do something and you’re not sure you understand what it is you’re being asked to do. It can come from a boss, a parent, a neighbor, anywhere. You fear if you ask for too much clarification and direction you will come across as lacking ability. It’s a good fear and one we all have or should have have. What I’m saying is it’s normal to feel this way.

Let’s face it, we all want to do things confidently and be viewed by others as impressive. This is such a good thing it is a wonder that anything negative could possibly result from it. But it can. Sometimes it makes us not be thorough enough in understanding the task at hand. Our desire to appear on top of things and self-confident can make us jump to conclusions which can be more disruptive than doing nothing - regardless of our good intentions.
Let’s say we need to update information in a computer database. If we don’t have a clear idea of what we are doing, and we don’t find out, we risk not only failing to accomplish the task but we can mess up existing records which is even worse than not doing anything at all.

Trying to look good is a critical mistake and very different than actually looking good. We fool ourselves if we think nobody will ever find out when we’re faking it. Though it is possible to pull faking off, the risk is large if we don’t. Know when to hold and knowing when to fold is what Kenny Rogers tried to teach us in a song and a movie. Usually we engage in fakery when our internal compass is broken and our fear of exposure overcomes our desire to be right.

But in trying to become impressive and competent, don’t “wear the sign.”

Back to the, “The only bad question is the one not asked.” If it is true and we keep hearing people say it why don’t we all know it and why does it have to be said if it is so obvious? I think it’s because we don’t believe it. It sounds good but it is not true. It’s a bad cliché. In fact it’s usually said by someone who does everything they can to discourage any questions.

I recall a blatant example in a statistics class at the U. Unfortunately it was taught by a math rather than a business professor (No slam intended. I have the utmost respect and admiration for math teachers. But math professors??) and on the first day of class he told us the thing about the only bad question is the one not asked. That’s the last time any of us in the class saw his face. He turned around to the blackboard and from then until the last day of class he never faced the students. He just talked while he wrote on the blackboard - endless equations, vector valued functions, and hyperbolic derivatives. He was like the freaking rain man. But if we had a question, and some did and to no avail tried to get his attention, but he never knew it. Surely he knew his style before he said the question thing and surely he knew there would be no questions. Yet he took the time to tell us it anyway.

Also we know it’s not true because we’ve all been asked stupid questions before. Come on admit it.

Bill Engvall has a new sitcom on one of the cable channels with Nancy Travis and has made a career out of pointing some of these bad questions out. Awhile ago he went on tour with Jeff Foxworthy and the cable guy and did what they called The Blue Collar Tour. It’s hilarious and some of his deal goes like this:

Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops...never mind, didn't see your sign."

It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway. My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."

A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big ol' stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock goes, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."

I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright, Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it."

Last time I had a flat tire, I pulled my truck into one of those side-of-the-road gas stations. The attendant walks out, looks at my truck, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tire go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on me. Here's your sign."

We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Darn that's hot!" See, if he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.

I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know, I misjudged the height of a bridge. The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out, no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning...okay...no problem. I thought for sure he was clear of needing a sign...until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said, "No, I'm delivering a bridge... here's your sign."

I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said, "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."

This stuff is funny because we’ve all been there. That’s why we get self conscious about asking questions; we don’t want someone to ask us where our sign is. So how do we avoid the sign? Two things primarily:

(1) Patience. Sometimes we get so caught up asking questions and wanting to know everything all at once, we put ourselves on overload. Surely I’m not the only one who has been sitting there getting something ‘splained to me and I’m back at the first thought trying to figure that out while the ‘splainer is ten thoughts down the road. I’m still going “hmmm” and shaking my head positively and throwing in an “interesting” or “so that’s how it works” when my mind is thinking “I have no clue what they are telling me. I hear words and their lips are moving so why am I thinking these thoughts not having a clue about what anything this person is saying.” Then I make it worse because I sit and pepper the person with questions they have just explained and that I’m not even capable of retaining the answers about.

Break it down. The ‘splainer doesn’t know where we are at in our understanding. Think through the answer to each question and then try it on your own before you move on. If you still don’t understand then ask a follow up question. Then think about it. Take it out for a spin. Attempt to do the task. Then move on. Have the patience to listen, ask good questions, and learn.

(2) Patience. When someone asks us a question, answer it thoroughly and to the best of your ability. If you don’t know the answer then steer them to someone who does. If they ask again because they don’t understand, always take the assumption that there was something wrong with your explanation and then either elaborate or try explaining it from a different angle. Maybe we didn’t ‘splain it as best we could the first time. If you sense they are asking more questions than they can absorb, encourage them to try what you’ve just ‘splained first and then see if it clicks before bombarding them with additional information. All this takes place if we, the ‘splainer, have the patience to ‘splain and truly desire to pass on our knowledge and wisdom. Also, never tell someone something they can learn or think through on their own. Steer them to the answer or guide them to the experience that will let them learn it on their own.
If we were all a little bit more patient, there would be no need for the signs!

Key to the whole point – as I see it:

Improving our patience in attempting to understand assignments and to explain assignments will allow us to raise the bar. If we master this we’ll not only look marvelous, we’ll be marvelous. At the end of the day it’s always better to make sure we ask good, well thought out questions than do something wrong. What reputation would you rather have: to be known as a questioner or to be known as a mistaker. You should never be afraid to ask well thought out questions. But to ask a shallow and lack of thoughtfulness question as a way to avoid doing any work on our own is not what we’re talking about. The term posse incitatus can be translated from Latin to mean several things. I like, “When in doubt, reload.” Seems to fit here. You’ll have to think about it to see if you agree. But don’t ask me how it fits please.

Stand & Deliver

For the sake of argument - and probably everyone thinks they are anyway - but let’s say you are a hard worker, you know your stuff, and you are highly motivated. Mainly, you deliver. But in spite of this, some boneheads still treat you like you’re Otis, the Mayberry town drunk (from the Andy Griffith Show.)

It doesn’t matter if we are talking about work, school, a social club or a church group. You prepare yourself, get educated about the work you do, have good experiences, and think you really know your stuff. One day a project comes your way that is right up your ally and it excites you so you dig into it.

This particular project, hypothetically of course, mostly affects other people that you are assisting. You jump on the problem, make contact with those who are involved directly in the issue, research the situation and then go out and show initiative by coming up with a real good potential solution and then go one step further and take steps to get the problem solved. Are you with me? Basically you see a problem, feel you are uniquely qualified to get it fixed, dive in, come up with a solution, and even start putting into place things that will fix it. Initiative, I think it’s called.

Since we all have someone that is the boss of us in every area of our life, this person at some point or other shows up on the scene. Our “solution” also affects them and maybe even more directly than it affects us. They want to be briefed on what’s up. So you brief them and tell them what you’ve done and the initial steps you’ve taken to solve this problem. As you do your update, the boss of us starts peppering you with questions about details of what you’ve done. You start getting nervous wondering what they are really after. So you restate the facts succinctly and end by explaining that you feel really good about what you’ve done and that you think you’ve come up with a real good solution. Then the boss of us asks a couple of questions you’ve already answered. This is starting to get irritating so you dig your feet in and reiterate what a great solution you think you’ve come up with.

The boss of us still seems unsatisfied with what you’ve done and asks you to compile some of the data involved with the project and look into some other aspects of this problem. Then they tell you they want to see some comparative information about how others are dealing with the same issues so we can verify you are on the right track. Aaaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh! When the boss of us leaves, you are irritated that you didn’t have all the information at your fingertips they wanted, you are frustrated that you maybe didn’t communicate it all a little better, and you mostly are just ticked off because you feel you just got jerked around and you don’t know why. In a nutshell you are a little angry and a little confused, to say the least.

This is all theoretical of course. It would never happen in real life.

When this happens all you can do is “stand and deliver”, like the movie title says.

Anyone risks making a bad impression because of failure to understand what is expected. For example, usually an inexperienced newcomer is not expected to make major decisions and change the direction of an organization. As a newcomer, a person usually does what the boss over them wants them to do. In this situation, if you want to make an impression, do what “the boss” wants done and tells you to do. Focus on collecting the applicable information on an assignment or an issue and presenting it in a way that an important decision can be made. Usually you won’t want to try and make decisions yourself or solve problems independently.

The flip side of this might be the situation when you have a lot of experience and are expected to make decisions and facilitate changes in an organization. The boss of you might be expecting you to solve problems and take appropriate action on your own and when necessary. In this instance, if you want to make an impression, you shouldn’t be bouncing every detail off the boss of you and asking others what you should do. Focus on the decision making process, make good decisions, and know how and when to present updates to the boss of you.
It really is all about service, isn’t it? The same principles that go into providing service to an outside person or group apply to how you provide service to those inside your group. With outsiders you have to manage expectations, so also with those inside. Any organization that produces a service that nobody wants is not going to have a purpose in life for long.

I will sum this up succinctly with the aforementioned movie title: stand and deliver. Deliver the bosses of you what they want, not what you want them to have, and while you do it, stand up and be confident and deliver the right thing for the circumstances.

The inability to figure out and then deliver what is expected is a byproduct of many things but the reasons are irrelevant because they still lead to “personal need” suicide or at the very least ruin your peace of mind. Shrinks attribute our helplessness in failing to understand expectations to part anxiety and part erroneous assumptions about productivity as the following examples illustrate. (I lifted them from a shrink handbook and put them into english):

Fear of failure can be real and causes us to not deliver correctly because we don’t want to look stupid. Wouldn’t we all rather be thought of as non-motivated rather than lacking in ability? Revealing as this is, looking back on school, I’d much rather someone think I didn’t study hard or long enough on a test than to think I needed some tutoring or extra help. We create defense mechanisms to avoid this tendency. Instead try to overcome it by simply being aware of it and avoiding the defensive behaviors. After all, now that you know we are onto you, being defensive isn’t very fun anymore.

Perfectionism is a great excuse to do whatever we feel like isn’t it? I know well that most perfectionists do so out of insecurity. (Oh no, what is everybody going to think of me saying that?) But we have to get over our insecurity if we truly want to do our best in every circumstance. We overcome it by taking measures to know beforehand what the expectations are in a situation and then focus on delivering them rather than critiquing expectations downward. You’ll have to think about the last part of that for awhile before you get it.

Self-control is the opposite of perfectionism (which is all about control.) If we are impulsive and lack discipline, I love unclear expectations. (I mean we love unclear expectations.) This allows us to ebb and flow wherever we want in or around assignments or projects or issues and never quite deliver exactly what is wanted or needed. What is needed in this situation is focus and self-discipline to do what is wanted.

False beliefs about what is wanted and needed can limit us. Couple this with false beliefs about what we can and do deliver will result in frustration and confusion. Finding out the expectations and being aware of the quality of our delivery will help us through this.

Sometimes we just enjoy the adrenaline rush of moving like a bull through a china closet. This is the roller coaster methodology and let’s face it some have a wicked joy in approaching life and work in this manner. Sometimes you will deliver in this manner but sometimes you won’t. It’s hit and miss many times because nobody catches up with you until you are a mile down the road. Either way you’ve left an indelible mark. Usually and fortunately this tendency will be beaten out of you soon on your journey through life.

Sometimes we are just being human which means we go to extremes to avoid being bored or to tackle the difficult. Whatever our reasoning, just like service, we have to get over all of it and deliver regardless of the consequences. We just have to.

Key to the whole point – as I see it:

Forget about your internal evaluation of how good you are. There is a time and a place for that (like a personal journal) but it’s not good to do in the heat of battle. Pay attention instead to what is really wanted and what is really expected. Many times the task at hand requires far less skills than we might have. Just because we can do something or are capable of doing something doesn’t mean we always need to do things at that high level.

Sometimes we need to be in touch with the realities of our organization and adapt our responses accordingly. We may be the most capable person on earth but if that is out of touch with what is needed or expected, it will be irrelevant and work against your success.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you realized this after the fact, sit down with the boss of you and inventory the things you should pay attention to and the things that are truly needed from you. As far as I know, Otis, the Mayberry town drunk was the most likable guy on the planet but he never seemed to deliver anything and could seldom stand up. It wasn’t Andy's and Barney’s fault. It was Otis’.

Forbidden Knowledge

Some things you are better off not knowing. If possible. Let’s call it forbidden knowledge. But in spite of knowing this, curiosity, loose lips, or having to know because of your job can place this information in your brain anyway. And then you have to deal with it. For example: I know what I make compared to some other people. Conversely I know how much I do compared to others. They don’t match. Sometimes they aren’t even on the same continent.

Having forbidden knowledge can eat you up. I’ve been there, done that, seen it up close and personal. Some get over it. Others don’t. It can be very upsetting when you find out someone less deserving is getting bigger rewards and more blessings. The more you think about these situations the more upset you get. It can keep you up at nights and distract you by day – maybe more than any other thing on earth.

To depersonalize the whole thing, let me tell you about two people I know. They both went into the same line of work. They sold drugs for one of the largest drug companies in the world. One sold a line of a dozen drugs for things like depression, asthma, and migraines. Whenever I saw him he always asked me if I needed anything. Yeah, right. I always gave him a list and never got me anything. He had been in the business and done well for a decade or so. The other person had only been doing this for about four or five years and sold a small line of oncology drugs; the ones for chemotherapy and cancer treatments. Both were paid salary plus bonuses based on sales volume. The first made a bigger salary but the second more than made up for it on bonuses.

I was with both of these folks when this revelation came to light and the one who’d been in the biz the longest almost blew a vein out the side of his neck. I probably talk to these folks four times a year and over the next month I spoke to the freaked out friend at least that many times. He was completely traumatized and tormented that the other friend was making so much. It ate and ate away at him and made him more and more frustrated. It was obvious to me that greed and envy are a real bad-boy combination!

The only advice I could come up with for my self-destructing friend was that he had to get a grip on understanding the forces at work on him; the forces that were invading his thoughts and destroying his happy place (the place with unicycles and little people.) Before the forbidden knowledge came to light, everything was fine. But once it surfaced, apparently my friend's compass was broken and had been broken and was pointed toward greed rather than thankfulness that he is able to do what he does and make what he made (which was not too shabby.) Both of them should have had pity on me, the poor public servant. The pain he was feeling ought to have been an indicator to him that he was off course.

This brings me to my point. Greed is a weed.

Weeds are considered undesirable, unattractive, or troublesome (except in the wacky world of zeriscaping), especially when they grow where they are not wanted.

Greed is undesirable, unattractive, and troublesome, especially when it appears where it is least needed. Greed is a weed.

Greed is a great big morning glory weed and if we don’t kill it, it will take over. Killing it, like morning glory you might know, can be tricky. It takes skill and perseverance. Until we kill it, though, greed makes us think we can’t move on unless or until we get what we want. In fact, it can make us think we want even more than we really do. Sometimes it can even trick us to thinking we can have whatever we want, even if it isn’t right for us.

I’m sure everyone caught the news story about the man and his sister who stopped at a McDonald’s in California while they were doing their Monopoly promotion? I think how it worked was you peel off something from your drink cup and you win stuff. I’m not exactly sure because I only go there to get the Happy Meals with Superheroes for my good-guy grandsons. In any event, somehow there are things you can win.

Well, this man in California peeled off his sticker and won $1,000 a week for the rest of his life. Not too shabby; $50,000 a year for as long as you live. What could be the problem? Nothing, of course, unless you worked for McDonald’s and you and your immediate family were thus ineligible. Well, guess what? He did and they were.

He and his sister hatched a plan though. He would give the ticket to his girlfriend and have her cash it in. The arrangement he brokered with her was that she would turn in the prize sticker and they’d share half of the winnings each. You can probably already guess the end of this story even if you didn’t read it. For six years it worked out fine to the tune of $330,409. But eventually they had a fight and were not getting along about something and the guy got ratted out. Ah, true love. What a beautiful story. Tale as old as time. The payments were, of course, stopped. And there was the pesky firing (why he stayed employed at McDonald’s is beyond me) and the court case to collect the winnings back.

Clearly greed got the best of this person and his friend and the sister. It trapped them and as the Greeks say, “Greed is like sea water. The more you drink, the thirstier you become.” True dat.

Key to the whole point – as I see it:

You’ve seen the oldie-but-goodie comedy routine where a man shows his doctor that every time he raises his arm in this unusual position, he gets a sharp pain. The doctor’s suggestion, “Don’t do that any more.” The point of the skit is that if something hurts, stop doing it.

Like with my friend, he just needed to suck it up and realize there is nothing he could do to change the fact that oncological drugs have a higher markup and are in more demand than his stuff. That’s life, dude. Get over it. If he focused more on his own great job and the good living he was making, he’d be much better off and would probably enjoy the time he spends out by his very nice swimming pool much more.